Personal Revelation is Personal

It was the October 2018 General Conference when I went to church for the Relief Society broadcast and almost chose to never go back in that building.

The day had been like most General Conference Saturdays I’d experienced: my husband sat on the couch in the family room in front of the TV (dozing on and off through the speakers) while I puttered around the house getting caught up on laundry and other chores while listening to the talks (to each their own!). As I listened, I got more and more frustrated that there were absolutely no women’s voices. It’s usually bad, but that particular Saturday, of the 14 talks given, they didn’t even have 1 token female voice. 

I was bored. I was hurt. I was angry. 

That night was the RS General Broadcast and my stake was broadcasting it from the stake center and encouraging all women to attend and watch together. I donned my skirt and headed over to the church. 

As I sat through the general RS meeting (of an organization that prides itself on being one of the largest women’s organization in the world), I watched MEN tell me that women are great leaders and teachers in the church and the family. The hypocrisy I felt was permeating the air. To me, they may as well have been saying phrases like, “We’re going to say you’re good teachers, but we definitely don’t want you teaching over the pulpit and we definitely need you to stay neatly within your own small spheres of influence.” 

As I left the session, I was fighting back the tears. One of my best friends stopped me to chat. Just trying to make conversation, she said something benign about the meeting like, “Wasn’t that lovely?” I’m not sure what I muttered back to her, but I quickly excused myself, got in my car, and let the tears flow. When I got home, I said to my husband, “Does God really want me to raise my 2 little girls in such a sexist organization?” I kneeled down and asked God that same question. (why I chose to go back to church is likely a topic for another time)

My friend (like I said, she’s one of my best friends) later reached out to me and asked why I’d been upset (“I could tell something was off that night”). I told her all my feelings. She listened. She validated. And we noted how we each had different experiences while doing exactly the same thing – she happened to love the conference.

The understanding she offered me is a rare gem around church culture (no wonder we’re good friends!). So often I hear people trying to convince others that the way they feel about a particular topic/meeting/policy is the way that everyone *should* feel.

As if God speaks to each of his children in exactly the same way at exactly the same time.

But that’s not the way personal revelation works. We have to be able to accept that God has a personal relationship with each of us – and that means we’ll feel different things. And that’s not only okay, that’s how God intends it to happen. We’re each on our own spiritual journey. God is guiding each of us individually – so we’ll have different experiences doing the same things.

That means we may need to take a step of faith to truly believe that God has a different plan for each of us.