Mary – 2000 years of scrutiny
About a year ago, I was reading a Christmas children’s book to my (then) 7-year-old daughter. The book described the story of Christ’s birth while interspersing biblical language. When I got to the part where Mary was told to name her child “Jesus,” my kid gasped. “What?” she said in complete disbelief, “Mary couldn’t even choose the name of her own son?”
At that time our family had an infant, and I’m sure my pregnancy was still fresh on my 7-year-old’s mind. She had seen me on my hands and knees in the bathroom barfing my guts out for the first several months of pregnancy. She had seen my exhaustion levels sky-rocket as, instead of putting her to bed like I’d done her whole life, she’d have to come give me a kiss in my bed each night. She had seen my body get large and uncomfortable and need to stop doing the yoga we normally did together. Though she hadn’t witnessed the birth, she heard me tell details of what it was like.
Understandably, she was appalled that a mother (who had been through that much) didn’t have a say in her child’s name.
When my daughter expressed her indignation, my reaction was to laugh inside. I’ve heard this story my entire life and I’ve never heard anyone question the fairness of the name choice. In fact, I’ve never even thought about the fairness of the name choice.
But I realize that’s part of societal problems – we don’t question things because they’re tradition and we’re used to it. Laughing them off isn’t going to help solve the problem.
Of course, this is only one feminist issue surrounding the Christmas story. Others worth mentioning include the 2000 years of people questioning Mary’s virginity (including the timing of when she may or may not have had sex), Matthew’s male-dominated narrative with Mary’s submissive characterization, complete lack of discussion of what that night looked like from a mother’s perspective, and the forgotten women of the nativity.
Christmas is special to me. It’s a celebration of the night my Savior was born. But questioning and discussing issues with the way we tell the story is an important part of dismantling the misogyny that often underlies our church institutional narrative.
Does your family discuss feminist issues surrounding Christmas? How so?
What do your kids notice that you may have overlooked because of years of tradition?
What have you come to realize as an adult that you may have skipped over as a child?
This post has made me think about our family traditions around Christmas. Thank you for the questions–I’ll have to mull them over and talk about them with my family.
Submission is offered when there is a choice involved. Coercion is when there is a threat involved. Like Nauvoo women “submitting” to Joseph’s advances or being threatened with eternal condemnation. I wonder what Mary’s real choices were? Did she go along to get along? Was she excited about having the child? Looking forward to what could prove to be a tenuous existence? We will never know because no one at the time valued her story.
Reading the Magnificat, the prayer of praise said by Mary in Luke 1:46-55, I’d say she was happy about being chosen for what was coming. She had the support of her cousin, Elizabeth, who had the knowledge of Mary’s child revealed to her. I like to read these verses as part of our Christmas worship.
Regarding names – I’m inclined to accept the input from spirits on the other side for what they want to be named. My oldest child revealed her name to me in a dream the night before I knew I was pregnant with her. It is not a name I or her father would have chosen, but it suits her well.
It’s likely Mary would not have been able to name her child under normal circumstances, but I imagine being told you are to give birth to deity makes you more inclined to accept divine instruction on possible names.
Tone is also important. Was it “you WILL call his name Jesus” like an authoritative command or “you will call his name ‘Jesus'” like a simple statement of what would be? Maybe it’s a name she ended up liking that she never would have chosen or was not one of the traditional family names that would have been chosen for her.
Also, the Gospels in the New Testament tell the story of Jesus; all others are peripheral characters. We know a lot more about Mary’s story than many of the others mentioned.